LGBTQ+ is an acronym representing an incredibly wide variety of people, identities, and experiences across spectrums of gender and sexuality. As an umbrella term, LGBTQ+ covers both non-heterosexual and non-cisgender folks. Because of that diversity, it can be hard to generalize about people’s lived experiences. There are even expanded versions of the acronym, but the version we’re using means:

• Lesbian
• Gay
• Bisexual
• Transgender
• Queer or Questioning
• +, to signify other identities including Asexual, Intersex, Two-Spirit, and more

Your gender and sexuality are natural parts of who you are, and you should be allowed to discover them over time. But because we still live in a world that assumes and celebrates straightness and being cisgender (this is called heteronormativity and cisnormativity), self-exploration isn’t a privilege everyone enjoys. The truth is, many people can’t explore their identities because the risk of enduring rejection, bullying, and even violence is far too big.

The truth is, coming to terms with your gender and sexuality can be confusing and scary, but it can also be transformative. It can unlock previously unknown parts of yourself; it can reveal your potential as a person; it can bring a world of happiness, excitement, creativity, love, and joy. 

Everybody is different, so navigating your identity and eventually coming out (the process of discovering and revealing your gender and/or sexuality) looks different for everybody. Some people know who they are right away, but for some people, it can take years before they figure it out. Discovering who you are can be like sculpting—as you chisel away at the marble, you slowly reveal your vision for yourself. Shame and stigma can make this process difficult, and you should show yourself compassion as you take your time to understand and feel comfortable expressing yourself.

Exploring your gender and sexuality can begin at any age. You may feel different from everyone else, but can’t put your finger on why; you may feel uncertain of things that seem intuitive to everyone else; you may want to try something new but fear rejection. Or, you may be super sure of yourself on the inside, but you’re not sure if everyone else gets it yet. It can feel lonely, but it can also feel special.

Wherever you are in the process of discovering your gender and sexuality, you deserve the freedom to do it and people who support you. In a perfect world, you should feel free to try things out and see what’s working for you. 

Exploring your gender presentation, seeking out queer community, reading books about your experiences, researching history, considering and trying out new pronouns: these are just some of the many ways to explore self-discovery. Seeking out community and safe spaces is extra important, especially with people in a similar life stage or of similar age as you. People who understand you implicitly can provide meaningful support and introduce you to new possibilities for yourself.

Sometimes things don’t stick, and that’s OK. Exploring can be a really powerful phase of discovery, and you never have to leave it. 

Just like there’s no one way to be a human being, there’s no one way to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, etc. You don’t have to pick a label if you don’t want to, or conform to any standards that don’t feel right for you. 

What’s important is that you ask yourself, sincerely, what you want for yourself, who you want to be, and the kind of life you’d like to lead. You may find your answer doesn’t fit into just one box, and that’s OK. You may find your answer changes over time, and that’s OK. If you can’t be out about your identity yet, or you aren’t ready, that’s OK too.

There’s no “correct” timeline, and the only end goal should be your happiness.

It’s easy to talk about self-discovery but doing it can be difficult, especially when you lack resources, safe places to turn, or safe people to talk to.

LGBTQ+ identities were once categorized and treated as mental health conditions, all operating with the underlying assumption that being gay or trans was a disease that could be cured. While we’ve come a long way in combating hateful ignorance, the stigma hasn’t completely gone away.

Over the past several decades, LGBTQ+ folks have waged strong and successful efforts to combat that stigma, formalize their rights, and gain greater acceptance. But in recent years, anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination has increased, making it harder for LGBTQ+ folks to live as their authentic selves.

Transphobia and LGBTQ+ discrimination can take a toll on your mental health. 

Taking a look at the minority stress framework provides a helpful explanation. The distal factors of discrimination, prejudice, victimization, and violence become internalized as proximal factors like self-hatred, lack of self-worth, negative expectations.

These conditions undoubtedly make it harder to just be yourself. It makes it harder to explore your identity, to try things out, and discover who you are on your own time. It can create feelings of uncertainty about yourself and your future; it can make you fear rejection.

No one deserves to feel shame, sadness, or fear because of who they are. We are all best able to survive and thrive through these experiences if we build resilience through connection with other people, pride in our culture, and affirming mental health care.

Discovering yourself and your identity can be tough, but it can also be exciting and life-affirming.

Coming to accept yourself isn’t always easy, and sometimes, the stress can negatively impact your mental health. If you are LGBTQ+ and face mental health challenges, remember it’s not because of who you are. More likely, it has more to do with reacting to how you’re mistreated in society.

Discovering who you are can be difficult, but you’re not alone. Giving yourself space to heal and explore, and seeking out people who understand you, is a great place to start.

If you’re in the process of discovering who you are, you aren’t alone. If you haven’t figured it all out yet or just need some more information, we have some ways to get through and learn more.